KUNT AND THE GANG say it like it is. A brilliant piece of satire, Kunt is also the first man I've ever seen who can handle the spotty anonymous oiks on YouTube comment trails...even I disable comment trails on my YouTube vids and I love nothing better than online fisticuffs. The YouTube comment trail for the Michael Jackson tribute song is here where Kunt is fending off eloquent pithy barbs like: "i think michael would of loved this but he prob pefer if you dont like this song your a fucking cunt."

Anyway, onto the vid itself..."Born black, he died white and in the middle he fiddled with kids." None of that "He saved the world with his music" saint shite.



I emailed the almighty Kunt, whose funeral will one day be watched by 1 billion people solely due to his potty-mouthed musical genius and not because he is a plastic-faced paedophile, and this is what he had to say:

Jude Calvert-Toulmin: What has the reaction been to your Jacko vid?

Most people have appreciated it for the piece of well crafted highbrow artistry that it is, but there have been a few criticisms from hardcore Jackson fans. I can't see why, it was meant to be a tribute and memorial to the King of Pop but it seems I might have misjudged it slightly. Woops.
No, only YouTube comments so far. They mainly object to the implication that he was a kiddie fiddler, generally saying that it was never proved and that he will be remembered for his music. But opinion seems to be divided as several other people have posted back saying that they will always remember him for his kiddie fiddling.

If I was a paedo, which I'm not, and I wanted to subliminally warn people what I was up to, which I don't because I'm not, I'd probably have chosen album titles like Bad and Dangerous, illustrating that I was tempted into doing 'bad' things like wanking off young boys, and that letting them stay over my house was 'dangerous' because I might be tempted to wank them off.

I'm normally a stickler for 'innocent until proven guilty' but in the case of celebrity nonces surely they should be convicted on a 'there's no smoke without fire' basis.
I have seen Dead Man's Shoes but I like to think I would go down the 'I Spit On Your Grave' route and lure any potential assassins back to my house with the promise of a wank in the bath and then cut their cocks off with a knife I had hidden under the shower mat.
Upcoming kunting gigs:

16 July COLCHESTER trotters wine bar
17 July LEICESTER shed
18 July SHEERNESS ivy leaf bar
22 July KINGSTON fighting cocks
24 July RAYLEIGH pink toothbrush
25 July SOUTHEND chinnerys
31 July LONDON the fly - EDINBURGH PREVIEW
01 Aug CHELMSFORD box club
09 Aug BLACKPOOL rebellion festival

14 - 22 Aug EDINBURGH FRINGE FESTIVAL
late night shows at the meadow bar (venue 264)


Interview for generation live mag from the KUNT AND THE GANG MySpace blog...

Kunt: "This was an interview I did with Kassy Toal for Generation Live Mag in Liverpool in 2007. It came out but I never saw it so here it is in unedited form..."

Kassy Toal: First of all, how did the band form?
It all started one day when I was home alone and I was having a wank to every programme that was on BBC1. I was unfortunately unable to get aroused over 'Murder She Wrote' so I ended up sat there in the nude with a soft-on writing the song 'Have A Wank' which I played to my cousin Andy Kunt who said we should form a band.

Kassy Toal: Which one of your songs would you croon to a lady friend in order to seduce them?
It would definitely be "I'm gonna lick you out". Ladies seem to like a man who knows what he wants and what I want is to lick them out.

Kassy Toal: What does your mother think of your career in singing about minges and sucking off Dr Fox?
She was initially wary but since she saw that after ten years of getting nowhere in the music biz I was suddenly making progress just through sucking the odd nob here and there she's been very supportive.

Kassy Toal: Which is your favourite song to perform live?
That's a tough one, I think it could be Carol Vorderman. It's a letting off of steam everytime I perform it and I have to say if it wasn't for that outlet, you might be talking about me in the same breath as Barry George or Colin Stagg.

Kassy Toal: Who are your musical influences and idols?
Coming from Basildon I grew up with the music of Depeche Mode and that's part of why our music is so technological and advanced. Lyrically I would say the Macc Lads because they also sang about proper, real-life topics that the songs in the charts don't cover. You'd never hear Kylie singing about her yeast infection or Michael Bolton waxing lyrical about his bird coming on the blob while he was munching on her flange.


Kassy Toal: If your house was burning down, what is the first thing you would try and save?
It would have to be my collection of eighties wankmags. You just don't see beavers like that anymore, some of them are like a thick black carpet from the lady's bellybutton right round to the base of her spine! You wouldn't even know there was a couple of holes in there somewhere!

Kassy Toal: How do you and Little Kunt unwind after a gig?
Little Kunt doesn't unwind, he's a complete coke fiend and if there's no groupies tits on offer can be found digging around in our merchandise bag for a cd to snort it off. I on the other hand have a gentle warm-down wank over someone attractive but unchallenging like Suzie Dent from dictionary dell.

Kassy Toal: Ever been arrested or put on the sex offender's register?
I was arrested for wanking in the woods but got let off with a caution after I pulled off one of the coppers in the cells. I haven't been caught for anything that would get me on the sex-offender's register as yet, that said my computer's in PC world being fixed at the moment…

Kassy Toal: I've heard Little Kunt can be a bit of a diva. Does he have many ridiculous demands?
He's insufferable sometimes. He insists on having a bowl of Revels in our rider but they have to have the coffee ones taken out and be replaced with the same ratio of white maltesers. When we get to the venue he always insists on making an inappropriate joke about areas of England with large percentages of ethnic population.

Kassy Toal: What's your most embarrassing moment on stage?
When I was attacked by a man who didn't like us at our Christmas show last year. He picked up a mic stand and came at me with it, but being a Christmas gig it was wrapped in tinsel so it was a very festive assault! I shoved him and he fell over so it wouldn't have been embarrassing but for when I was grappling with him I passed wind and a bit of poo came out.

Kassy Toal: Who's your favourite serial killer?
It would have to be cheeky Fred West. He looks like my mate Jeremy Carsehole so you can't help but like him and anyone who combines their job with their hobby has to be applauded. Though was it John Christie who kept a tobacco tin full of his victims pubes? Now that's fucked up!

Kassy Toal: Have you and Little Kunt ever had any disagreements?
Many, many times. One of our ongoing arguments is that Little Kunt always has diarrhoea in the dressing room toilet before a gig and refuses to use a bog-brush so I'm forever retching over the specks and smears he leaves behind, the dirty wee fucker.

Kassy Toal: Barrymore. Innocent or guilty?
I think he's innocent, mind you after a wild party back at our house one time there was a dead bloke found in Little Kunt's paddling pool but rather than try and explain his massive anal injuries to the old bill we stuck him in the back of me ford fiesta and dumped him in Barrymore's pool.

Kassy Toal: Who, in your opinion, is the biggest cunt in the world? (I think it's Robbie Williams)
Up until recently I would definitely have said Robbie Williams, then for a while it was Daniel Bedingfield and now I think if you're looking for a talentless gobshite you'd have to go a long way to beat that cunt Terry Christian. He got a show on Talksport recently and for him to stand out among some of the other cunts on there, he must really be a fucking cunt.

Kassy Toal: Tell us about your next album.
Following on from our debut 'I Have A Little Wank And I Have A Little Cry' and the follow-up 'I Have Another Wank And I Have Another Cry', the next album is going to be the 3rd and final part of the 'wanking and crying' trilogy and hence is titled 'One Last Wank And One Last Cry'.